Last night (shooting star)

 You look up and realise this little bright falling star. Even though it's just a glimpse, you wish the world. You wish the wealth, fame, respect, power, love maybe health at the end?... because you are shallow. But that's all you have with your ignorant mind. You can't help it. You don't mind as well. You just wish upon that specific, special little star and ask for universe to reward you to crown you. Did you really do anything at all to be rewarded ? Why would you always take? Selfish... aren't we all? Are you even ashamed of it? Sometimes? Often? Always? Tell the truth. It's time.

 Then you realise, you're actually at the seaside, alone. You take all the air you can into your lungs and inhale the beauty of the scenery, smell the seaweed and the sea. The waves are murdering those giant rocks... the waves are singing their own song, just like wolves. The eacho disappears into darkness of your ear drums. Stereo but you hear it all mono. Then you think about all those minor tunes in the blues. When is it my time? You wonder... try to avoid frustration and narcissistic thoughts. But you can't. You were born with this. This is you. This is me. This is them. Can't avoid. Try to bury it. It's just a sweet lie. Go ahead, be my guest.

Unappreciative

We still think about the past, even though when it's so obvious that the future is embracing us. We still think about them, unforgettable stuff. Even though it's just a history. Are we really ready for a change? Or this is another illusion of our utopia? Why are we scared of the radical changes? Too much time to think? So little time to write and accept. Never appreciating the beauties, life gives us... We just want to take and think how awesome we are and how unselfish we are all the time even though it's completely the opposite... Will we ever learn? Do we suppose to believe? Does life is playing with us or some deity up there is testing us? ... I've been seeing some really messed up stuff... Ups and downs - highs and lows... This time; this can't be a coincidence. It just can't... I never imagined myself to feel superstitious... But here we are. And this is real. This is happening. I needed change. I AM CHANGING... I am evolving... And even though it scares the hell out of me I am willing to do this. I WILL TRY MY BEST TO DO THIS.

Goner. (Humble Preacher)

Dudes, Dudettes, Apache helicopters and Boobies,

-(Another very "I'm a lover, not a fighter, but I crack your teeth" post incoming.) 

 Hello y'all. Listen everyone. Let me clear it all up. This blog is my own personal complain bitchlog (yes I made it up)  I might post really sentimental stuff, poem, life complains...etc. basically whatever the fuck I want and yada yada yada... so if you'll get offended easily then I suggest you leave this site immediately and never come back! EVER! :3  Now where was I.


 Oh yeah, MY ALLERGIES! THIS EFFIN' SEASONAL CHANGE SERIOUSLY WILL KILL ME SOMEDAY. I'm struggling with seeing a doc because of my anxiety... I'm anxious because I can't see a doc and I can't see a doc because I'm anxious. Vice versa! This is the evil circle I need to  get rid of...

 Nowadays I don't feel like a human at all... Well I wasn't quite a human before as well but, this mental asylum (possibly baby Arkham) is just getting worse, there's only one escape. That is my mind's palace. And it's pretty hard to enter there because I often forget where the key is. While living in a world everything's fucked up and lost. I'm one of your dem weird soul who's looking for an escape. I use to be a bit brighter than this... Some years before I was less anxious, less greedy, less egotistical... I fucking hate that little bastard. We're all trying to impress all those people we don't even fuckin like. I'm done. I'm done brothers and sisters. While our egos are slowly killing us, I'll just focus on feeding my curiosity and hunger for knowledge. While you're reading my humble preaching just try to think these; why would you even bother? for those sons of guns and sugar mommies? Oh are those too much? sorry! would you rather me to open my mouth and say nothing just puke my poison like a snake? SSSSSsssserpent? Shit. I breathe, I think, I talk. I am no one special. I am YOU! you are me. We're all the same but different but still the same (no pun intended) in the end. WE ARE ALL SCARED AND DON'T CARE. WE'RE ALL GREEDY, SELFISH, HAVE LITTLE MORALS... WE STEAL, WE CURSE, WE HATE.


 Very little amount of people turn around and look; "wtf am I doing?" Now you're wondering why this sudden, unexpected and probably unnecessary anger is coming from Giz?... Dude. Just don't
I'm a goner today. Leave me be. I'll talk, when I will talk.


   -Giz

Get your facts straight.

Verse 1: I love to write but, I usually write when I can't sleep. And mostly in the middle of the night or morning. My mind starts working and I can actually think those hours... My brain stops working in the day time, I can only create and get inspired at night time. My mom calls me night owl. I am a true nyctophiliac. I'm okay with being one.

Verse 2: i can't sleep, because I'm judging myself because I feel useless again. Thinking of weird past stuff again, loads of regrets, heart breaks, embarrassment, past life torture... Why am I still doing this?

Verse 3: I'm stressed out. My allergies kicked in again. And every time I breathe i can hear the little noise in my lungs just like a baby hurricane... If I don't cough, I can not breathe. It's only October... Man, it looks like this winter will be rough for me, this time. I need a doc asap. But I have panic attack and even thinking about going away makes me feel really anxious...

How I decided to come back? (Sorta) and Meet the Personas

  Hellow, hellow. This is your captain Giz speaking;


  Today's diary log will be about social media, mental health, swearing and possibly friends... So sit back, buckle up and enjoy your flight!



  It looks like I'm back ladies and gents, I really don't know what I'm doing at the moment (yes still) so I'm trying to "go with the flow." I've had major radical changes. (definitely not mentally) But I would like to save that part for later. Let's talk about social media now. For curious eyes, I've been missing in social media for years now. I am definitely NOT back. Well let's explain it like this, I like to hang out in a place where/which doesn't bore me and pressure me to death and where I like to keep it simple, down to earth and clean (well not too clean bwahah). So this website will be the first pain free experience, because I feel I can control almost everything, almost. And the best is, I don't give a single flying fuck if you're reading this or not. I'm mostly entertaining myself. That's the most important point :) So, There are two people in this mind, yes. Rotten and Gizem. Some say one of them isn't real but I can assure you that both of them are very real and different people. So keep that in mind. Let's begin with Gizem; First things first she's a human being has rights and wrongs... Sometimes she feels like android unfortunately she's still a human child.. Not even a Time Lady. Sad but true. The second child of this awesome sauce parents. Mother of 6 kitties 1 dog and 1 badass turtle. Other than that; She is an actress and a film maker. Loves to make boring artsy fartsy short films, (does not publish some of them online) writes, edits, acts, directs, makes music... etc. (you know like one of those boring upper class intellectual type of people but still indie at some point. And boring as fuck. But also is an opera singer and has a vocal range of 3,5 octaves so yeaah... Not so ordinary now is she *supercool sunglass* also did I mention boring?) oh and she has ADD. And... then there is Rotten; the one we absolutely adore and look up to. Well she has her moments... Rotten is a badass character like bad to the bone. An absolute femme fatale but more like "fatale" itself... An true anti-villain. She's a total child, nerd, noob, bubbly, cheerful, creative, independent, always high (without the drugs), if you do her wrong she will do yog wrong with cherry on top! (get it? get it?) and also has ADD. Did you spot the common thinga? they both have ADD... yes. Even my persona has ADD. FML right? well not really because it saved my life... thanks to that I can think 4387278243 at the same time and multitask and it makes me a maverick so how's that for starters. *enter a deal with it gif in here* People who look at you like you're totally crazy because you have personas. Well I'm sorry to say that but we all have personas, some of us doesn't know that yet. It's kinda sad. Floating away in darkness, not knowing who you (you all) actually are. The bitter truth...

  So let me explain the whole point. People/friends have been wondering what the fuck am I actually doing. Since there are 2 (possibly 3- Morgaine too. But it's not the right time to discuss about her) me's
Let me break it down for the curious eyes;


Rotten Cherry is the founder of Rotten Cherry Studios. She has a youtube channel, it started with making skits (and not making them really public) some of them are still there but crappy ones tho. covers, etc... Sometimes she lets Gizem to put her films and outtakes there because of the goodness of her heart! :)

Has;

Youtube
Facebook Page (Rotten Cherry Studios)
Instagram


Aaand then we have Le Gizem, she makes films and record some weird ass songs (not the cover ones) and mainly explodes while brainstorming. Don't even get me started on how she NEVER FUCKING FINISHES HER PROJECTS... Get's distracted all the time somehow with c00L things on the interwebz (yes cute animals... So what! Stop judging me) shit. ok I'm ok.!


Has;

Twitter (still doesn't know how to use it, barely uses it)
And this blog page.


Business related, as an actress she has an official website and merch which she totally made it herself because you know she knows eerrythang in this whole wild world.

So as you see ladies and gentlemen, in order to keep your sanity you MUSN'T TAKE THINGS SERIOUSLY!!!! After all these years, after all the pain, sorrow and challenging my brain's boundaries, I'm finally making peace with myself. My advice is you should do the same thing with youself. Love yourself. Embrace yourself. Try your best. There would be no tomorrow... I know it's sad. But that is what I learnt from this bitter world. Sorry for slightly fading away from jokester to melancholy-nism.. (wut?) So brothers and sisters (I acutally updated this post from my phone but IT DIDN'T FOCKING SAVE.... so I won't bother to write it again, I don't remember it anyhow...)


Peace out. x and stay gold.

l'art pour l'art...

 "Art for arts sake"... With a very shallow and down to earth beginning. So you understand.

I personally believe that the real feeling of the art should be between the artist/entertainer/actor/musician/etc... And the piece itself. There is no actual way that you can trully appreciate and feel/live the exact moment and troubles with the "creator" (human version) I never understood when the creator downgrades themself to let the peoplw keep up with him. I am strictly againts it. You probably consider these type of mind as: stuck ups, posh, arrogant... Etc. Well did I say you can not join the "illuminated artists"!? No. It's a welcoming group of people. Not like what you think. Please try to understand them. Do not expect them to understand you. In order to create they're giving tremendous amount of sacrifices including their sanity. How could you expect them to understand you while they're struggling with their mental health?... See I tricked you... Now you feel pity... But you do not realise while you otherize them, they never stop creating. While you look at them like freaks they build a very thick wall between you and them, by the end of it your ignorance and blindness make you a real good illeterate. And that's my friend, is your fault. Moral of the story; try to understand creators. Appreciate art. Don't expect them to talk on your level. Read books and shit. xx 

I Have Issues: 2016 Edition

She opened her diary and wrote these bitter words:


  "Please ignore me, act like my friend but stab me on my back. I wouldn't say anything. Tell me lies. Just lie to my face. Tell me you support me but never do. Tell me good stuff but don't mean it. What am I? Honestly... Let's sit down and have a word;


  I was never your friend. I was just a "filler episode" in your life. Now that time is over. You will never see me ever again. Passive aggressive... right! Who are you to look down on me!? Who are you man..."


She opened her eyes. It wasn't a dream. She was forcing herself to take a revenge. But on who?

Uh...

Well.. Hi.

It's been 2 years dudes and dudettes... I've grown into my shoes finally! look at me I'm adult and shit... More to come my dear earthlings..


Bye for now.

-Gizem