Saturday 25 February 2017

Twenty Something.

   Well then. DAMN. 2 7.

Starbucks Entry.


  I'm Gizem STOP. I am so bored STOP. I am having the blues again STOP. I think I am a big time loser but that's fine because I think you are too STOP. Is this the real beginning of my life for real this time? STOP. All I ever wanted to do was to love STOP. All the faces I look in the coffee shop they remind me of you STOP. If I stop being too shallow, I think I might escape this grumpy face of this reality STOP. I almost had a car crash today, after saying I was feeling like shit STOP. I didn't feel anything, no fear, no excitement, no adrenaline rush, nothing STOP. I think I need a break STOP. Even though I haven't started doing shit STOP. I feel like I am making my miserable life even harder STOP. I am a leech STOP. Don't say otherwise, just agree with me this once STOP. The things I create have no value in life for me STOP. Maybe to some really minoraties STOP. I never stopped being punk STOP. That's why I suffer a lot STOP. Everything in this world is too either edgy or too soft STOP. I do not want any medications anymore STOP. They numb and dumb me down STOP. And me complaining from Starbucks, writing these fucking stuff with my Macbook is the main irony here STOP. What have I done to achieve this? STOP. Do I deserve these? STOP. Do you deserve these? STOP. We are all losers in our own ways STOP. Don't deny it STOP. I hope you're having fun with your friends well with my potential friends, I can see my eyebrows getting tense from this glasses reflection STOP. CHARMING STOP. I am lonely and like to swear because it keeps me company somehow not those fancy words just the simple word and the relief of saying FUCK STOP. FUCK. FUCK STOP.! FUCKING STOP!

Yours truthfully

- Biggest loser from the other dimension

P.S: I should eat something proper than this cheap ass muffin. I am not having fun I almost feel the heart attack coming to get me. I think I'm gonna have a mental break down. Don't send me to any rehab, I'll be fine, I am stronger than you think. But then again the beauty of me doing this to myself, is just I am in a public place to escape people... Yes. I am torturing myself with reality the only thing keeps me in world is just to stand here with those other poor lost souls to feel my existence, with the music resonating my ear drums. I am Gizem. I am you.

I am Gizem.
I am Gizem.
I am Gizem.
I am Gizem.
I am Gizem.

Friday 17 February 2017

Snooze, what a fucking great way to procrastinate!

Uhm... I think I might have an insomnia. I always try to sleep early but my brain resists and distracts me with all those magical knowledge shimmery sparkling dusts. They're hidden in different places. They like to hide. I don't understand, why hide in the night? why would you want me to find you at the night time? why try to turn me into this sociopathic creature? Am I dangerous? I still can not answer this question. Till this day. Very scary. 

Anyhowzies, I literally can not wake up at the day time. This is getting out of hand. I do not live at the day time. I even despise the sun... I wasn't like this before. I was a whole cuddly loving pink creature with issues. But now, I am all that BUT A FUCKING GROWN UP AS WELL! This is me writing these words in her late twenties... It gets worse I can feel that. I even started to use fucking anti aging products. I'm going full paranoid. I try to stick up my diet, my exercises and drinking water. But all those daily destructions plus 4 doggies, 8 kitties and a turtle keeps me well busy. Although I feel like I do not do shit or even interact with them too much, I must have done things cuz they're all clingy towards me, which is a good thing I guess. I feel like Genius hates me sometimes though. After many pet - human deaths I feel a bit cold blooded. Even when they fight with each other, my folks lose their minds but I always be the one who go "Gryffindor" on their asses. I have battle scars, literally and figuratively. I've been trying my best, although under appreciated. I kept my silence and kindness. I can't say all for nothing. But each and every time I can see that they want more. Because too much is never enough. I am so tired of this distractive and bad vampiric aura-energy. Surrounded by it. It's possible my house is their layer or something. I feel like where ever I go it'll follow me. That's not my fault or my folks fault, I know. They're trying to over protective but then now they don't care? wut? I don't understand. I am trying to get the fuck out of what is bothering me. It's usually a place. I don't know what the future will bring. But I have dreams and hopes, yes still. I do not want to do anything I do not want to. My brain needs to subliminally scratch the message into it's core "YOU ARE AN INDEPENDENT PERSON YOU CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT TO DO."

But then again there goes money, my youth, my sanity, and the time that I will never change back...

P.S: I fucking love to ruin myself in the middle of a "night" *ahem* morning. Nice one Giz, way to go.  


Tuesday 7 February 2017



I'm the night, mystery.
I'm a folktale, the unexplainable. I'm a bedtime story, the one that keeps the curtains closed and I'm not waiting for you. It's too dark to see the landmarks

And I don't ask or need your good luck charms
I'm still not waiting for you.

Across my carpet of stars. I'm the night, the mystery
I am everything that you can't see
Mysterious, mystery. I am the possibility.

Unknown the unlit world of old, I am the sounds You've never heard before. Off the map where the wild things grow. Another world outside you door. Here you stand you're all alone, driving down the pitch black road. 

I will never be your home.