The Nicest Badass From Another Universe

Hi. It's been a while again. I'm right here in the middle of a giant tube floating in the air, letting the time pass by. 13 hours and we're opening our first posh as fuk gizzy stimulator. Yes I am proud of my self. I didn't take any meds. Sober and proud. People are sleeping. Tried to sleep. Doesn't work. Now if you'll excuse me I'll try to watch Death Note. Because apparently someone just forgot to take Tokio Ghoul with them to read... I'll never learn... also 03:25 hours left. It's nothing compared to 13 hours honestly.  Rock on babes! -Gizzymulator

  Hey it's me the Underground also known as the Queen of Hearts! I've known from not making sense and enjoying the every minute of it, you haven't heard from me have you? you will. Despite of not being one of a million, I am one of your special rain drop. I don't know what changed my mind but I got used to it and I'm enjoying it. Such dopamine rush, much mindfulness. wow.

So I cooked for the first time today... Did I tell you that I was 27 years old!? Nothing fancy to write here. I thought it looked bad, but boy it tasted sooooooo good. 

 Yes, I might have misled you with this title and tricked you into thinking that, this very post is going to be about being sad and depressed but still going on. Not really. (summary: fuck being sad)   "Seasonal Affective Disorder" S.A.D. who could knew that it would make such a difference. I won't tell the whole story yet but I think I am being cured but special forces of this universe *mostly god** yes, I do believe in god. So old fashioned huh? for this 21th century? :)) It wasn't what I was going about... So, I think I kinda learnt not giving fucks. Legit. I never knew that it would be possible but with the side effects of this special force and (could be a placebo effect too?) dehumanising myself from the nearest future and getting to tired of "when life gives you lemons..." I actually pretty nailed it... I might be saving my sanity. I might not be broken anymore. I can fix this, if I play my cards right this time. This will be one hell of a ride (...

*** Clap Clap    Psssst. Remember me? the one who chickened out big time? Everything happens for a reason you say. We'll see, I say. I just want to say, I have zero fucks to give. YES HAVE BIG ISSUES TO LIVE WITH EVERYDAY (the ones that you have no idea about) and AGAIN Depression, anxiety, panic attacks... they're all curses and gifts/ too tired to explain.    I am just sitting here laughing. I have zero information/knowledge about this near future. It used to give me serious mental seizures. I am letting everything go. No plans. Not anymore. I will live. And I'm going to start doing that by  INHALING THE WHOLE PLANET INTO MY NOSTRILS.  Now watch me live. How's that for a starter. ? ? ?   P.S: I'd like to think my nostrils are huge. :) SEE YOU SOME TIME xx - Giz

                This is how you write about conspiracy theories. There we go.   Hi there. This is your girl, Rotten. You know the one who graduated from an Art School, yep one of those special snowflakes. Is she any different from anyone of us? But this is not our story. I got distracted again. I always do this.    I can honestly say that; the more I think, the more I want to throw up. Where are my cigars? Oh yeah the customs. THEY WOULD LIKE TO FUCKING BAN THE SHIT OUT OF EVERY ENJOYABLE THING DON'T THEY? 8:14 ... Anyway. I don't want to "perform" another blasphemy. I took you for granted, Didn't I? I get it now. Sorry for not getting into Jpop a lot. Now I get it. Sorry for being too indie all the time. I still hold this sick thought of holding my self back. How can I show any balls if I don't have them? Can't decide if I wanna be this or that. Too stupid or arrogant or caveman of me.   This is me writing to future...

I hear the birds chirping. Beautiful creatures. I am counting down the minutes. 06:08 a.m. Are you trying to tell me something? The world is actually a small place. Let's forget all of our regrets and try again.  It's still dark outside. But I have hopes. I don't want it to be the day time. But then again, I've been always like this. I enjoy this silence. Doing nothing, just chilling. Ignoring my fears, regrets and defeats. Poor child. Bless her soul. She will see you there. When will she go back home again? Unknown. Unclear. False.

   Well then. DAMN. 2 7.

    Hello,   I'm Gizem STOP. I am so bored STOP. I am having the blues again STOP. I think I am a big time loser but that's fine because I think you are too STOP. Is this the real beginning of my life for real this time? STOP. All I ever wanted to do was to love STOP. All the faces I look in the coffee shop they remind me of you STOP. If I stop being too shallow, I think I might escape this grumpy face of this reality STOP. I almost had a car crash today, after saying I was feeling like shit STOP. I didn't feel anything, no fear, no excitement, no adrenaline rush, nothing STOP. I think I need a break STOP. Even though I haven't started doing shit STOP. I feel like I am making my miserable life even harder STOP. I am a leech STOP. Don't say otherwise, just agree with me this once STOP. The things I create have no value in life for me STOP. Maybe to some really minoraties STOP. I never stopped being punk STOP. That's why I suffer a lot STOP. Everything in thi...

Uhm... I think I might have an insomnia. I always try to sleep early but my brain resists and distracts me with all those magical knowledge shimmery sparkling dusts. They're hidden in different places. They like to hide. I don't understand, why hide in the night? why would you want me to find you at the night time? why try to turn me into this sociopathic creature? Am I dangerous? I still can not answer this question. Till this day. Very scary.  Anyhowzies, I literally can not wake up at the day time. This is getting out of hand. I do not live at the day time. I even despise the sun... I wasn't like this before. I was a whole cuddly loving pink creature with issues. But now, I am all that BUT A FUCKING GROWN UP AS WELL! This is me writing these words in her late twenties... It gets worse I can feel that. I even started to use fucking anti aging products. I'm going full paranoid. I try to stick up my diet, my exercises and drinking water. But all those dai...