The Nicest Badass From Another Universe

*** Clap Clap    Psssst. Remember me? the one who chickened out big time? Everything happens for a reason you say. We'll see, I say. I just want to say, I have zero fucks to give. YES HAVE BIG ISSUES TO LIVE WITH EVERYDAY (the ones that you have no idea about) and AGAIN Depression, anxiety, panic attacks... they're all curses and gifts/ too tired to explain.    I am just sitting here laughing. I have zero information/knowledge about this near future. It used to give me serious mental seizures. I am letting everything go. No plans. Not anymore. I will live. And I'm going to start doing that by  INHALING THE WHOLE PLANET INTO MY NOSTRILS.  Now watch me live. How's that for a starter. ? ? ?   P.S: I'd like to think my nostrils are huge. :) SEE YOU SOME TIME xx - Giz

                This is how you write about conspiracy theories. There we go.   Hi there. This is your girl, Rotten. You know the one who graduated from an Art School, yep one of those special snowflakes. Is she any different from anyone of us? But this is not our story. I got distracted again. I always do this.    I can honestly say that; the more I think, the more I want to throw up. Where are my cigars? Oh yeah the customs. THEY WOULD LIKE TO FUCKING BAN THE SHIT OUT OF EVERY ENJOYABLE THING DON'T THEY? 8:14 ... Anyway. I don't want to "perform" another blasphemy. I took you for granted, Didn't I? I get it now. Sorry for not getting into Jpop a lot. Now I get it. Sorry for being too indie all the time. I still hold this sick thought of holding my self back. How can I show any balls if I don't have them? Can't decide if I wanna be this or that. Too stupid or arrogant or caveman of me.   This is me writing to future...

I hear the birds chirping. Beautiful creatures. I am counting down the minutes. 06:08 a.m. Are you trying to tell me something? The world is actually a small place. Let's forget all of our regrets and try again.  It's still dark outside. But I have hopes. I don't want it to be the day time. But then again, I've been always like this. I enjoy this silence. Doing nothing, just chilling. Ignoring my fears, regrets and defeats. Poor child. Bless her soul. She will see you there. When will she go back home again? Unknown. Unclear. False.

   Well then. DAMN. 2 7.

    Hello,   I'm Gizem STOP. I am so bored STOP. I am having the blues again STOP. I think I am a big time loser but that's fine because I think you are too STOP. Is this the real beginning of my life for real this time? STOP. All I ever wanted to do was to love STOP. All the faces I look in the coffee shop they remind me of you STOP. If I stop being too shallow, I think I might escape this grumpy face of this reality STOP. I almost had a car crash today, after saying I was feeling like shit STOP. I didn't feel anything, no fear, no excitement, no adrenaline rush, nothing STOP. I think I need a break STOP. Even though I haven't started doing shit STOP. I feel like I am making my miserable life even harder STOP. I am a leech STOP. Don't say otherwise, just agree with me this once STOP. The things I create have no value in life for me STOP. Maybe to some really minoraties STOP. I never stopped being punk STOP. That's why I suffer a lot STOP. Everything in thi...

Uhm... I think I might have an insomnia. I always try to sleep early but my brain resists and distracts me with all those magical knowledge shimmery sparkling dusts. They're hidden in different places. They like to hide. I don't understand, why hide in the night? why would you want me to find you at the night time? why try to turn me into this sociopathic creature? Am I dangerous? I still can not answer this question. Till this day. Very scary.  Anyhowzies, I literally can not wake up at the day time. This is getting out of hand. I do not live at the day time. I even despise the sun... I wasn't like this before. I was a whole cuddly loving pink creature with issues. But now, I am all that BUT A FUCKING GROWN UP AS WELL! This is me writing these words in her late twenties... It gets worse I can feel that. I even started to use fucking anti aging products. I'm going full paranoid. I try to stick up my diet, my exercises and drinking water. But all those dai...

   Hi, I'm  the night, mystery. I'm a folktale, the unexplainable. I'm a bedtime story, the one that keeps the curtains closed and I'm not waiting for you.  It's too dark to see the landmarks And I don't ask or need your good luck charms I'm still not waiting for you. Across my carpet of stars. I'm the night, the mystery I am everything that you can't see Mysterious, mystery. I am the possibility. Unknown the unlit world of old,  I am the sounds You've never heard before. Off the map where the wild things grow. Another world outside you door. Here you stand you're all alone, driving down the pitch black road.  I will never be your home. Love -me

   It's been 2 months since I've lost my grandma. Thought I was going to lose it. Never in my life... for 27 years... Too much. It'll hit me even harder but when? 1 year later from now? But let's go back and now look at me... living and shit... such hypocrisy, humankind scare the f out of me.    At first I didn't feel anything at all. I knew it would've bash my brain wide open with this fancy looking lethal baseball bat. It did. Now I spend my nights questioning the fuck out of everything with such a numb feeling, with this dull look on my face. My face is a burden. My whole existence is a burden for me. I know. Because I exist. Don't get me wrong. I am, still thankful that I exist. But then there's this little one who always pokes me with it's very thin stick, it pierces through my skin and enters my veins, my arteries... Sometimes I even wonder what if all those blood isn't there anymore y'a kno'. It hurts. It does hurt like a bitch...

 You look up and realise this little bright falling star. Even though it's just a glimpse, you wish the world. You wish the wealth, fame, respect, power, love maybe health at the end?... because you are shallow. But that's all you have with your ignorant mind. You can't help it. You don't mind as well. You just wish upon that specific, special little star and ask for universe to reward you to crown you. Did you really do anything at all to be rewarded ? Why would you always take? Selfish... aren't we all? Are you even ashamed of it? Sometimes? Often? Always? Tell the truth. It's time.  Then you realise, you're actually at the seaside, alone. You take all the air you can into your lungs and inhale the beauty of the scenery, smell the seaweed and the sea. The waves are murdering those giant rocks... the waves are singing their own song, just like wolves. The eacho disappears into darkness of your ear drums. Stereo but you hear it all mono. Then you think about...

We still think about the past, even though when it's so obvious that the future is embracing us. We still think about them, unforgettable stuff. Even though it's just a history. Are we really ready for a change? Or this is another illusion of our utopia? Why are we scared of the radical changes? Too much time to think? So little time to write and accept. Never appreciating the beauties, life gives us... We just want to take and think how awesome we are and how unselfish we are all the time even though it's completely the opposite... Will we ever learn? Do we suppose to believe? Does life is playing with us or some deity up there is testing us? ... I've been seeing some really messed up stuff... Ups and downs - highs and lows... This time; this can't be a coincidence. It just can't... I never imagined myself to feel superstitious... But here we are. And this is real. This is happening. I needed change. I AM CHANGING... I am evolving... And even though it scares t...